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Visit often to improve your English, and your sense of humor...
Go to the New Yorker site **here**

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Watching 'Animal Planet'?- some kind of predator documentary?
Something with reality TV? Keeping Up With The...?
Housewife sitting around....
Necks.....














SEPT 15
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keywords: bumper, fender bender, suburbs, angel, devil, accident, insurance, tailgating
question: who's talking?

Geico gave me one hell of a deal.
Actually, I'm more of a (guardian) angel. [substitute something for "guardian"]
Do you think He has insurance?
You should have turned off your halo beams.
Well what are the chances of that?
What should we tell Him.
I've got coverage.
It's okay, it's a rental.
Is one of the seven deadly sins tailgating?
So now it's a sin to stop at a red light?



AUG 31

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Entry must be received by 11:59 P.M. E.T. on August 31, 2014. Click here for the official rules.
- spikes- rally heels- these things are killing me






Read more: http://legacy.newyorker.com#ixzz3C1GhaRY7




SEPTEMBER, 23, 2013:
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TOPICS:
Easter

CAPTIONS:
Easter Bunny is pissed this year.
She was right.
I must be suffering from topiary confusion.
It does look different in the daylight.
How am I going to mow around that?
I'm pretty sure that wasn't there last night.




SEPTEMBER 9, 2013:

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Initial thoughts/ brainstorm
Ok, so it ooks like the snail dude is doing the talking. Greek or Roam, Minotaur has to be referenced in some way.

Inferiority complex?: 'Easy for you to say....'

or something snail-like: 'Slow & steady does NOT get the .....(whatever)...'








"CLOSE THE DEAL"

- P. Stelzer

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I don't think you understand the gravity of your situation.
We suspect helium poisoning.: (Peter)
I see you've had your belly button removed.
If anything changes call me tomorrow.
The good news is it's not lead poisoning.
Your chart indicates...
...a rise in Medicaid.
Got gas?
Do you have a family history of...
floating
ghost
anti-gravity
helium
poltergeist




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Sissyphus.
Oh yeah, well try breastfeeding.
How is he sleeping?
Lucky you didn't have twins.



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OR


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cloning
Costco
I know I shouldn't have sent you to Costco.
I need to stop going to Costco.
I don't care how good a deal it is
You should see the rabbits.
E-bay.
Maybe it was 40 days and 40 nights and 2 giraffes...
Stop me if you've heard this one before.








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Thinking outside the box?
Did you see the Jets game?
I think they call this xxx-sourcing.
We got down-sourced.
How come I always get the outhouse?
How about we just save Mr. Kimball some work and swap piles?
I've got an itch.
Is this how Atlas felt?


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Congratulations, it's a Hyundei!!
It even has that new car smell! (submitted by Jon) CtD!
bury placenta in Detroit
CongratulationsIt's a hybrid
10 fingers, 10 toes, 20 MPG
Congratulations it's
insurance/
car/medical insurance
MPG
C-Section
Are they singing??? What???

making cars smaller and smaller
Made in America/ domestic model
it's got your headlights!!/ it even has your ___
you're lucky it wasn't an SUV...




Submissions due Dec 10
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doctor walking examination
Dr is talking....
patient is somewhat oblivious
is Dr examining people at random
the form is in his hands- a standard form?

issues:
Obamacare??
Something about billing Medicare...waste? fraud?
healthcare reform
man in the street
peripatetic
financial cliff
play on "walking pneumonia"

suggestions:
I've never seen such an extreme case of...
This confirms my research that...


Submissions due Dec 3

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street lamp?
gumball machine?
lightbulb?
crystal ball
polish that
fragile ego
sing= break glass
hammer
Christmas ornament
fiscal cliff
shatter
shine

Maybe Jenkins here can illuminate us...
Jerry's being opaque again.
Cromwell looks like a big white ball again.
Off in his own world again.
Someone must have a bright idea around here.



Submissions due Nov. 26th


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IDEAS FOR ABOVE CARTOON:

Jon says:
I think it's an office and he's a shrink. She is wife/patient/girlfriend and looks embarrassed – I think she's bringing the couch in with her.

I think Jon's right, but is it obvious enough to go with a shrink metaphor? We do have the sitting shrink, the couch, the diploma on the wall......

I hope you don't mind that I brought my own couch.

I'm ready for our session.

How are we doing sofa?

Can I get a discount for bringing my own couch?

I think I've got an attachment disorder.

I'm not sure I should be sitting on your lap anymore.....

Acme movers- their motto is 'xxxxxxxxxxx'

It's a union thing......



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ISSUES
So you finally connected the dots?
how did you figure it out?
by the numbers
he's not all there
this is my friend...
LINES
So look who finally connected the dots...
I'm more than just a number to him.
He connects me.
Look, Warren, he doesn't just do it by the numbers.
Well at least he doesn't snore.
But we feel a sense of connection.
Do you have a pen?
Look, we can just erase everything.
He goes up to 33.
We stopped at 68...



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something about Homeland Security


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Associations:
UN, neighbors, surge, troops, Department of Defense, Homeland Security

Captions:
- Don't mind them, they are just from Timothy's new video game.
- Just ignore them, Randall, they're only UN peacekeepers.
- Must be an election year again.
- It says here that lavender oil and baking soda might make them go away.
- No, why do you ask?
-

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random associations:
- FEMA
- substitute teacher
- pollster
- census
- right to bear arms
- Libya
- hunting
- war/combat
- violent video games
- pun with "arms" or "weapons" WMD?

Honey, will you be home for lunch?
Can you get the dog from the vet?
Can I give you a hand?
Do you want me to turn off your PlayStation?
Have you been playing Call of Duty again?
Honey, don't think the boomerang is a little much?
Honey, can't you just send them an email?
Did someone wake up on the wrong side of the bed this morning?




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-something about an extreme drinking game . . .
-"it looked good in the museum gift shop"
-we use to be 4, something about the pair and the single woman . . .
-French wine/French guillotine . . .
-beer, the "head" on a glass of beer . . ., no head, wine . . . don't know where I'm going with this . . .


more random associations:
wine > heady
headache
heads will roll
pain in the neck
head trip

You should come back for our Bastille Day party
It's too bad about the Dodgers
So what does your husband do?
Did this place come furnished? >> submitted (Jon)









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Psych speaking:
how did it make you feel when
so what happened after....

so you say that....

how long have you thought that..../ believed that......

DREAMS
identity crisis
what makes you think you're a horse?
you'll clean up after yourself, won't you?
and you say your father used to call you an 'ass' a lot?
So you've always wanted a pony?
hallucinations/ delusions/

Freudians:
oedipal
oral fixation
parental interactions
DREAMS

mythical
epic
rfreudian
greek psychology term
mythosoedipul
half man/ half horse
you say the three little pigs did what?

Zeus/ Norse gods
satyrical







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Can we eat the ice cream yet?




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Comments/ brainstorms:

Looks like the boat driver is doing the talking, tho could probably get away with the officer too...

From Jon's comments below, I see Noah as a possibility.....
what sorts of things do you typically say to a cop who stops you...
-wife pregnant?
-have to go to bathroom?
-didn't know how fast I was going?




Possible captions:

Do you have a last name, Mr. Noah?

Problem is, I think it's flooded.

Can you tell me how to get to Lake Tahoe?

I heard 'Land Ho' and let 'er rip...









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02. A
tied_up.png 1. ...and later we can go dancing

2. and my friend Alice told me all men will eventually leave (leave me?)

3. If you keep interrupting me, honey, I'll have to take out the gag....

4. Do you like the wine?

5. You're such a good listener

6. Something about Houdini ("tell me what it is you do again?)

7. Something where the guy is the waiter, and she "hates to eat alone..."

8. So tell me about your....

9. Don't you just love...(blind dates/ first dates)

10. I feel like I could just sit here forever....(don't you?)

11. Is that your foot rubbing my leg?

12. Isn't it great to just sit here and talk?

13. Is it just me or do you feel a connection too?










n anti-government protester gestures during clashes with police in Cairo January 26, 2011. Thousands of Egyptians defied a ban on protests by returning to Egypt's streets on Wednesday and calling for President Hosni Mubarak to leave office, and some scuffled with police. REUTERS/Amr Abdallah Dalsh

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I'm not sure about the delivery

Oh, I've heard this one before

I already saw these on Letterman

ummm...ok "groucho", i'll be sure to pass these along....

do you have any other material?

oh...stop it, please...you're too kind

I feel like you're sending mixed messages....

This is not a laughing matter... (that one from Tress, who wants in...and who is now cc'd)
You're really trying to soften the blow...

"Ten Commandments" who? (Submitted by Jon)

thou shalt not give away the punchline
I like yours a lot, but put one in the form of a question:
thou shalt not give away the punchline?
(a la Moses basically thinking/ saying "THIS is one of the commandments?")

is Thou shalt not heckle too subtle?

others
I feel like you're sending mixed messages....

This is not a laughing matter... (that one from Tress, who wants in...and who is now cc'd)

You're really trying to soften the blow...

or something with idea of Moses basically saying yeah yeah I know it's you- that disguise isn't fooling anyone...

or something using a Groucho Marx quote (belonging to a club that would have me as a member...)






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The crew from "Iron Chef" is here.
Table number 5 wants to know if you can do the burger low-carb.
Hurry up, the valet is almost back!
Good news is that we didn't find a distributor cap in the cobb salad.





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I'd love another glass of chianti but I'm already feeling a little buzzed.



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